I don't know how to rest.
And I don't mean that in a cute, "hustle culture" way.
I mean my body physically rejects it.
If I have a free afternoon, I don't enjoy it. I fill it. I find something to optimise, fix, plan, or build. And if I can't, I feel guilty. Like I'm falling behind someone, somewhere.
I used to wear this like a badge. "I just love what I do." And I do. But that's not the whole truth.
The whole truth is I sat in my therapist's office a few months ago and she said something I wasn't keen to hear:
"Shulin, you don't rest because you've tied your worth to your output. And you're not the only one. This is what I see across my practice every single week."
She told me Singapore is facing a growing mental health crisis. Not just the headlines. But in the everyday, functioning, high-performing people who look fine on the outside and are running on empty behind closed doors.
People like me.
I didn't push back. Because she was right.
I've built a career, 2 podcasts, a company, a personal brand. And somewhere along the way, I forgot how to NOT be productive.
I find it almost impossible to chill. Basically, I have NO chill.
Not "self-care Sunday" me.
Not "treat yourself" me.
The me that needs to sit still and not feel like she's wasting time.
I'm still working on it. I don't have a neat ending for this one.
But if you read this and thought, "that sounds like me"... maybe we both needed to hear it today.
♻️ Repost to remind someone in your network.
— Shulin Lee 💛
P.S. What's one thing you're doing for yourself? With no ROI or productivity goal in mind.